"The Mom Stays in the Picture"

I read this article online the other day and it struck me hard:

Basically, Allison talks about her hesitancy to be in any photos with her young children because she's not as "up to par" physically as she'd like to be. I can totally relate-I mean, I just had a baby not too long ago and my face is still dealing with the effects of Bell's Palsy. Taking pictures hasn't been on my top list of things to do for some time now.

However, Allison writes how important it is to be a part of the documentation of your child's life. She is so poignant in saying that her son doesn't see her love handles or her not done hair or frumpy outfit, but he simply sees "Mama" and that's what's most important.

I told Blane after reading this article that I'd like him to take more pictures of me with Cole, something that I've kinda been avoiding since Cole was born simply because my face is crooked. Seriously-we have thousands of photos of Cole, many of them with Blane and his grandparents and aunties and uncles...but hardly any with me. 

The above four paragraphs really gripped my heart. After reading them, I sighed, wiped a tear or two and decided to kick my crooked face in the booty (not literally, obviously ;) and just be okay with me how I am now. I want Cole to know that his Mom was there loving on him from day one and I'm determined to have some photos to go along with that statement.

So everyone, I'm leaving pride and vanity by the wayside today and embracing the beauty of what God has created in all of its perfect and imperfect glory. Here's to living and learning on being a better me, a better Mom!

The three of us on our trip up north the other weekend-Cole's first getaway!

Oh, and you can read the entire article here.

Aim

Little Needles

One of the things that I've been trying out this past week in an effort to get this Bell's thing under control is acupuncture. I've heard from more than a few people that this has helped with Bell's and I'm willing to try anything that will help. :)

So last Saturday, Blane and J came with me to check out a local acupuncturist, Dr. Lin. My Mother-in-law actually has been to her and given her a thumbs up and so we went to see what she could do. I knew it would be fobby, but I wasn't prepared for the rush of incense that wafted our way after we opened the door. There were the customary jade buddhas and clangy bells that hung on the door. Chinese writing decorated the walls. Welcome to another world!

Dr. Lin was really very nice. Blane and J found out that she speaks not one, two or three, but four languages rather fluently. Impressive! She looked at my face and was concerned but told me that "she could fix it." Great. Let's get this show on the road!

I've never had acupuncture before and didn't know what to expect. She took me to a small room where she had my lie on my back. She then proceeded to cleanse different spots on my body with rubbing alcohol and after doing that, she casually inserted the acupuncture needles where she had cleansed. One on each foot, one on each hand, and about 20 or so on my face. All symmetrical save for the sole needle that she placed in the middle at the top of my head. The needles are tiny (thank goodness) and even though I closed my eyes for the insertion part, I could feel each one as she gently poked them in. I can't say that it didn't hurt, but it wasn't as bad as I'd imagined it to be, so I was thankful for that.

She then placed to heat lamps by each side of my face and she turned the lights off and told me that she would be back in 45 minutes and to "try and relax." Right. I've got 20 something needles sticking out of my and you want me to relax?!? But I did my best. 

I lay there for what seemed like an eternity before she came back in, took the needles out and then proceeded to massage my face. OHMYGOODNESS it hurt so bad on my left side! I must have grimaced because she asked me if it hurt and I squeaked out a "a little." (hugest understatement of my life hah) She then told me not to eat or drink anything cold. She even said to brush my teeth with warm water because the cold is bad for the Bell's. Got it. Lukewarm all the way baby.

I went back yesterday for my second treatment (thanks for coming Mom!) and it actually hurt worse than the first session. She concentrated the needles around my mouth (like cat whiskers) and it's just super sensitive there right now. The massage portion hurt less though so I was thankful for that. Dr. Lin has said that seven or so treatments should do the trick. I'm hopeful. Two down, five to go. The countdown to a symmetrical face begins!

"Shay-Shay"

(thank you in Chinese ;)

Aim

Truth Time

After the Bell's diagnosis, I've really been trying to keep a positive outlook on everything. I'm not one to want the entire world to revolve around me, and I don't think that my issue(s) should be thrown onto the shoulders of those around me, especially those I love. So I've really put an effort into keeping my attitude good. 

Well, sometimes you just can't be "good" all the time. The truth is I'm frustrated, scared, I look funny and my face hurts. I try to sing during worship at church and youth group and I can't because the left side of my mouth won't move and my left ear is super sensitive to sound and I have to hold it so this piercing ringing sensation will stop. I went walking yesterday and tried to return a smile at the random lady jogging past me and I couldn't do it because I've temporarily lost the ability to smile. I have to take out my contacts or not wear them at all because my left eye doesn't blink and they dry up easily. My face gets tired and it just hurts most days. 

I've honestly been good for the most part, but there are moments, like right now, where I just want to cry. I just want it to be over. I want to be back to my normal self again. 

God's promise to me (and to you!) is that in my weakness, HE IS STRONG. I am clinging to this promise for this little season in my life. It's all I know to do. And I know that if I am faithful to Him, that He will bring light to my little situation. Thank you Jesus.

So, sorry for "throwing this onto your shoulders" today. But it was truth time, and sometimes, you just gotta be real people. :) Thanks for praying <3

Aim

And the Troops Pour In

After sharing yesterday's news I was inundated with love and support from those nearest and dearest. I'm not one to shout "I need you" from the rooftops or anything, but let me tell you, it felt so wonderful to know that there are so many in my life who care about me and what goes on 'round here.

The crazy angry: My Mother, bless her heart. She flew over to my house immediately after school was out to "check on her baby." I was scolded for not calling her when I was on my way to Urgent Care because she would have "left school to come with me." She stayed with me all afternoon and then went to get dinner and dessert with Dad for me and Blane later too. Gotta love the fierceness of Motherly love! Below is the dinner and dessert that Mom+Dad went and got.

The "I'm-holding-myself-back-and-staying-calm-but-am-really-concerned-and-doing-all-I-can-from-700-miles-away" googler: My dear sister. I casually texted her that I was going in to Urgent Care just so that someone would know where I was just in case and she immediately called me while I was in the Doctor's office. I texted her what the diagnosis was and by the time I called her back 10 minutes later, Bub had already googled and read up on everything Bell's Palsy. She was with me, without physically being with me, every step of the day and for that I am grateful. I called her before going to the pharmacist, after I called my OB-GYN, when Mom was with me, etc., etc. 700 miles ain't got nothin' on us! Thanks for holding my hand dear Bub.

The silent protector: Dad. Mom called him as she was probably breaking a thousand traffic rules flying over to my house and about an hour later I got a "how ya doing?" phone call. So Dad :). He later came by to pray for me and the baby (love) and then did the dinner thing with Mom. I could tell he was reluctant to leave because he hugged me for a good five minutes before he left. This morning I woke up to a text from him asking how I was doing. Once a Dad, always a Dad I suppose!

My dear hubby: Blane. I knew he was worried yesterday when I would call him with an update and amidst all the chaos of his work in the background he'd take a minute to listen to what I was saying and then tell me to call him back immediately with what was happening next. Last night he came home and looked at me and said, "oh man" at least five times. He was so worried about me. I could tell that it was driving him nuts that he couldn't just "fix it." By the time we went to bed at our grandmotherly 10:30 bedtime, he had asked me "if I was okay" at least 50 times :). Before we went to bed he prayed for healing for me and protection for the baby. He even sleep talked a "you okay babe" in his sleep last night! Just now, the doorbell rang and I heard him say, "it's Blane!" and when I answered it he was standing there with a big bag of freesia and some eyedrops (they are recommended because my left eye won't blink). His boss heard what happened and let him leave work for a bit to check on me. I'm one loved girl I tell you. :)

For my wonderful friends who texted me...Leah (first one out the gate after my blog post-the girl sent me four texts in a row :), Meliss (lemme know if you need anything), Josh ("we are praying for you"), Court (who read up on fast twitch fibers and calcium needs just to help me understand what was going on :), Quiddie ("you're probably sleeping right now..." her 12:41am text haha), Kev (who offered to pick anything up for me-even "fem products" as if I need those right now! AHAHA), and Linda (always praying that one).

"Your love has given me great joy and encouragement." 

Philemon 1:7

Thankful for each one of you <3

Aim